Death is at this moment a reality, not an option. Many people do not like to think about this reality because it’s too painful. But me? I cannot help but to think of it. All the time.

I am painfully aware of the passing of time that brings both myself and everyone I have every loved closer to their end. The finality of death is something I cannot wish away with the belief in fairy-tales. And while I have no choice but to understand that death is indeed the end, I do not have to resign myself to this fate.

Death is not part of some divine plan. Death is a malfunction of evolution. With science we can conquer death, but we have to have the will to fight.

In the past people have wished for immortality, and searched for the fountain of youth. Even with such a bleak outlook, some people still fought death. But their tools were not the right ones, and they had no choice when their bodies succumbed.

We are entering a new era in human history. With current research and cryonics, we have better odds of fighting death. And, if research continues, I may be able to take advantage of research that will help me live many years past my natural life span.

I refuse to resign myself to death. I refuse to accept it. I will forever see death is an oversight of evolution. Since we were able to reproduce at such young ages, evolution did not have the opportunity to select for genes that could lead to much greater life span.

Death is not only a personal loss, but with every mind lost to death we lose all the potential impacts that person could have. Think if Einstein was still alive and healthy today, or Tesla? Sad to loose such great minds.

I know that right now my options are limited. But I will fight.

Every birthday I get sad, and have since I turned 25. It’s like the passing of time became so much more real. When I was younger, I could pretend it was far away. But now I see my parents getting older, my sister getting older, my husband getting older, myself getting older. Every birthday, when my awareness of the passing of time is even more pronounced,  I weep for those I love for one day I will loose them. I can only hope that day is far far away.

When I started this blog, I posted a favorite poem of mine. It’s a poem that lets me know I am not the only one that is not resigned. I’m glad to be living in a time where people ARE fighting death, and with knowledge we will one day succeed.

But for now, when I am acutely feeling the passing of time, I like to turn to this poem as a reminder that I refuse to stop fighting. There is too much we lose to death.

Dirge without Music

I am not resigned to the shutting away of loving hearts in the hard ground.
So it is, and so it will be, for so it has been, time out of mind:
Into the darkness they go, the wise and the lovely. Crowned
…With lilies and with laurel they go; but I am not resigned.

Lovers and thinkers, into the earth with you.
Be one with the dull, the indiscriminate dust.
A fragment of what you felt, of what you knew,
A formula, a phrase remains, — but the best is lost.

The answers quick & keen, the honest look, the laughter, the love,
They are gone. They have gone to feed the roses. Elegant and curled
Is the blossom. Fragrant is the blossom. I know. But I do not approve.
More precious was the light in your eyes than all the roses in the world.

Down, down, down into the darkness of the grave
Gently they go, the beautiful, the tender, the kind;
Quietly they go, the intelligent, the witty, the brave.
I know. But I do not approve. And I am not resigned.

—Edna St. Vincent Millay

Today, I am once again aware of the passage of time. Sometimes it is only a dull ache in the background, but some times it is very presently painful. But it always nags at me.

I don’t mean to write such a depressing post, but this is what I am feeling today, and I refuse to ignore death like it’s something that happens in the distant future.

I know. But I do not approve. And I am not resigned.

Food for November 19th 2010.

————————————-
Brazil Nut (22)
Hempilicious Berry Sorbet (334)
* 120g Unsweetened Vanilla Almond Milk
* 240g Unsweetened Vanilla Hemp Milk
* 240g Strawberries, Frozen
* 120g Blueberries, Frozen
* 15g Hemp Protein Powder
* 5.5g Flax Oil
* Stevia
Beet Carrot Kale Lemon Juice (163)
Thai Yellow Curry & Vegetables (288)
Seasoned Scrambled Tofu (213)
Peach & Pumpkin Chia Pudding (234)

===========================================
Nutrition Summary for November 20, 2010
Report generated by CRON-o-Meter v0.9.7
===========================================

General (87%)
===========================================
Energy               |  1254.2 kcal    94%
Protein              |    56.2 g       99%
Carbs                |   167.8 g       86%
Fiber              |    48.9 g      196%
Starch             |     4.9 g       33%
Sugars             |    69.1 g      138%
Fat                  |    46.8 g      100%

Vitamins (100%)
===========================================
Vitamin A            | 87289.4 IU    1746%
Lutein+Zeaxanthin  | 35418.6 µg     708%
Folate               |   622.0 µg     346%
B1 (Thiamine)        |     2.7 mg     241%
B2 (Riboflavin)      |     3.1 mg     235%
B3 (Niacin)          |    24.2 mg     162%
B5 (Pantothenic Acid)|    16.9 mg     339%
B6 (Pyridoxine)      |     3.2 mg     201%
B12 (Cyanocobalamin) |    53.0 µg    2648%
Vitamin C            |   472.5 mg     787%
Vitamin D            |  3711.5 IU    1856%
Vitamin E            |    19.0 mg     159%
Vitamin K            |   827.8 µg     920%

Minerals (100%)
===========================================
Calcium              |  1856.7 mg     186%
Copper               |     2.1 mg     103%
Iron                 |    14.8 mg      99%
Magnesium            |   668.3 mg     209%
Manganese            |     5.1 mg     128%
Phosphorus           |  1123.2 mg     160%
Potassium            |  3859.0 mg     110%
Selenium             |    92.5 µg     168%
Sodium               |  1429.2 mg     286%
Zinc                 |    13.2 mg     110%

Amino Acids (100%)
===========================================
CYS                  |     0.8 g      323%
ILE                  |     2.5 g      220%
LEU                  |     4.0 g      179%
LYS                  |     3.0 g      173%
MET                  |     0.7 g      126%
PHE                  |     2.6 g      267%
THR                  |     2.8 g      327%
TRP                  |     0.8 g      344%
TYR                  |     1.9 g      394%
VAL                  |     2.8 g      164%

Lipids (59%)
===========================================
Saturated            |    11.9 g       59%
Monounsaturated      |     6.3 g       25%
Polyunsaturated      |    22.6 g       90%
Omega-3            |     8.6 g      786%
Omega-6            |     8.6 g       78%
Cholesterol          |     0.0 mg       0%